We translate your local girlfriend’s bullshit

My phone doesn’t work – Buy me an iPhone 4

I can’t call you – Buy me more phone minutes

My motorbike broke down – Buy me an SH

My dad is sick in the hospital – I need 3 million dong to shop

I got my purse snatched – I need a new purse, a new phone, and spending cash

I can’t go home – Can I come over and fuck

I think my house is haunted – I want to sleep in your bed

I’m in bed ready to go to sleep – There’s another guy in bed with me. And we’re going to FUCK

I’m at work – I’m at coffee with David Lam

He’s a friend/uncle/brother – He isn’t my friend/uncle/brother, but he is FUCKING me

I’m on my period – I don’t want to fuck…but I’ll give you a blowjob

I’m going on vacation in Singapore – I’m hooking in Singapore

I’m going to Thailand for vacation – I’m getting a boob/nose job

I’m going back to my hometown – I’m on an extravagant vacation with some rich guy

I’m almost there – She hasn’t left her house yet. In fact she’s probably still in her pajamas

Can you come outside and greet me – I need you to pay for my taxi

I’ll meet you there – I’m coming really late

I’m studying English – My boyfriend can’t speak Vietnamese

I love you – I’ll love you because you’re sending me money

I miss you – I’m broke

I hate you – I love you

Don’t ever call or text me again – You better call me back

I think we should break up – I found someone who’s richer than you

I’m 23 – I’m 27+

If anything, I’ll call you – Invite someone else ‘cause I ain’t coming

I’m busy, it’s my birthday – I’m going out with some guy tonight

My birthday’s coming up – You better be saving up to get me a gift.

Your friend’s cute – How much will he drop on me?

I work late hours – I’m a pro

I’m a teacher – I suck dick for a living

I’m a stewardess – I suck dick for a living

I’m an assistant – I suck dick for a living

I suck dick for a living – She really does suck dick for a living

Feel free to add onto our list

8000 Miles Later Staff