A Tale of Jack and Wayne : Sweet Victory

Saigon is a very special place in that we get visitors from everywhere in the world stopping by at least once a year.  At our current rate for the house of 8000 Miles Later we average about two new guests coming into town every month.  Some come back for work and most of the time many guys come back to party their health away.  Regardless most of these guys are good buddies of ours, and most of the times they seek our advice at 8000 Miles later to streamline their game.

American Pickers : Colnago Master in Can Tho, Vietnam?

All over this city there are many steel frame bikes that tow make shift carts for human transportation and product.

Why I'm Here

I’ve always been asked why I decided to move here four years ago, and I’ve always been confounded to provide a simple, stock answer because at that point in my life, I really wasn’t sure myself.  Rumors rampantly flew that I moved to Saigon to live in a debauchery soaked lifestyle filled with drugs, alcohol, and cheap prostitutes, or that I was on the lam from a finger chopping bookie and a six figure gambling debt (neither are 100% true).  Truth of the matter, I was probably going through a quarter-life crisis.  A deep introspection of my American life found a lack of direction and excitement.  Basically I was in a marriage-less rut, waking up everyday and performing the same routines flushed with the same bad habits.

Holiday in Cambodia Part 2

Partner and I arrive at the bus station and are immediately swarmed by Tuk-Tuk drivers barraging us with their offers to drive us around and be our guide for whatever vices we desired.   In the distance a guy with a real genuine smile comes and greets partner with his real name.   He was the Tuk-Tuk driver that  partner had been in contact with the previous week. I felt elated, that there was someone there that we could somewhat trust, I felt at ease and we decided to go to our hotel.   Driving around in a Tuk-Tuk was similar to my experience in Thailand.  It was nice to sit back and survey the new land two American guys would hopefully conquer.  I was quite surprised to see that Cambodia was very similar to Saigon, not the big glitzy streets of Dong Khoi or Nguyen Hue, but maybe the streets of Can Tho or Binh Thanh Disrict.

Can Tho and Chau Doc, Vietnam

Can Tho, Vietnam

Sweet Coffee shop with awesome motorized bicycles.

Let's get ready to rumbleeeee!!!

My mom has always told me, “When you put the word ‘too’ in front of something, it generally becomes bad.” Words to live by, really. But like the brazen anarchist I am, I found a loophole, a counterargument to my mom’s adage. If you change the homonym and put “two” in front of something, it suddenly becomes that much better. What I’m talking about is that one girl is very gratifying and often enough but as soon as you add two into the equation, all of a sudden you’ve reached a momentary lapse in the universe and you get to experience Utopia for that moment in time.  It’s the ménage a trois, the three-way dance, or the MFF. Simply defined, it’s “Every man’s dream.” This rite of passage is known as, “The Championship Belt.” And yes, it’s as marvelous as it sounds.

Our Loss Your Gain

A recurring story that is always talked about is a fable that we tell any new Viet-Kieu’s when they land on the green pastures of Saigon. Actually, it’s more like a cautionary tale of how things can get out of control if you’re not on top of your game.

Storytime with El Capitan

Saigon girls are crazy.  Yeah, I know.  That’s a very general blanket statement if there ever was one but whatever, so is “black guys have large cocks” and “Asian guys have small cocks” (both of which from my experience seems to be 100% accurate).  So when I say “Saigon girls are crazy”, you have to believe me.  You read it here online and everything you read on the Internet is true, kids [evil grin].  The proof is in the pudding:

Lessons from El Capitan

I’ve been accused of a lot of things in my time but pleasant is rarely at the top of the list. I admit it; I’m rough around the edges. That came from being constantly shitted on when I used to be a nice guy back at home. I came to Vietnam in refuge of heartbreak (yes, I have one) and probably in search for the opportunity of another. Vietnam had its reputation for what a Viet Kieu guy like me could expect and I wanted to suck from that teat. I haven’t been blessed with the best looks, nor do I have a lot of money, humor, athleticism, or intelligence. One thing I have cunningly used to my advantage, though, has been my quick-witted mouth and persistence to juggernaut through women’s bullshit.

Even though most won’t admit it, girls just love jerks.  They love to be mistreated, misinformed, and mishandled.  I’m just providing them with that service.  I’m not trying to wife them.  There are a lot of fucked up girls here who get off when I treat them like shit.  I was the nice guy once and all it got me was a heavy ass ball-and-chain. Vietnam has been a stomping ground for me to start anew. Sure, there’s other things I could do with my time like get a job, find the meaning of life, or culture myself with film and books, but gaming chicks is a full-time gig. I have the phone bills to prove it. This was what I was put on this earth to do and my shortcomings haven’t held me back in the least. Fuck, I don’t even watch movies to watch movies anymore. My eyes are honing in on an inkling of a titty or the prospect of some bush, or my hands are on both those things because I’m trying to feel up on the girl that I’m on a movie date with. I’ve only been here for a year and some change, but I’ve already got some good stories to tell.  Here are two to get you started:

Making it Rain

December 31^st, 2008 - I was preparing to meet up with my friend and his girlfriend up at a club called 69 (which has since been renamed to MZ Bar). It was my first time in Vietnam and my first time going to a club in Vietnam. I didn’t realize that tonight, my cherry would be popped like a horny sixth grader at band camp.

I was ushered into the club by jovial security guards who looked like they’d answer to my every whim. The music was deafening, the crowd was raucous; my kind of people, I thought. So, I got to our table and saw the bottle of Remy Martin staring me dead in the eye. Our waiter began pouring out the shots and I remember looking at the small half-shot sized glasses and scoffing. This story will now have to be all hearsay because somewhere during the night, I blacked out and “MVP” took over.

Holiday In Cambodia Part I

I recently went to Cambodia on an excursion with a good friend of mine, a man well versed in travel boasting nearly 70 different countries and counting. A man that has gone far and wide around looking for treasures of experience. When he told me of his previous trip toCambodia, I was immediately sold. My eyes round and big with delight with hopes of a memorable trip I was promised the wild wild west of the east. And it turned out to be somewhat true….It was great to get away from the bustling and booming city of Saigon where It has left me… jaded.

The road to Cambodia was an easy bus ride. We stopped at the bordertown of Moc Bai/ Bavet to go through customs and immigration. The border town office was a small compound with somewhat run down building with no air conditioning. It looked very third world. We were on a voyage to another land, another culture, and hopefully another adventure. I was excited. I was a bit apprehensive of handing over my passport, it felt as if in that moment of time I would relinquish my sole power of persuasion, being an American in a far distant land. I put myself at ease and handed over the passport, and wandered outside to smoke for a bit and talk with a local that was selling phone card. I come back in to check the status of my passport with the immigration officer. I saw the look of the person handling my passport and I knew. I was going to be paying for something, maybe because I am American or is it because I am an American born Vietnamese. Either way I paid 140 US dollars to get through, quite the ding to my wallet, but now I start my journey…..

The road continued through a whole town devoted to gambling for Vietnamese nationals that cross the border to try their luck, and most likely lose it. With names like Las Vegas Sun Casino and Winn Casino how can you not like that effort on creativity?

We come to a giant river and cross via ferry. My friend and I both look at each other panicked, South East Asia a careless place or were we both paranoid? We promptly exited the bus as the ferry took across, afraid that some freak accident might occur and literally be dead fish in bus with no exits. We were greeted by local Cambodian folks. I was taken a back, they looked very similar to Saigon-ites but a little darker. When they opened their mouths was when I realized I was in a different land, their Vietnamese even more broken than mine offered treats and refreshments. Looking around on the ferry I saw the usual scene in country side Vietnam, dozens upon dozens of people crammed in minivans looking miserable because the air conditioning isn’t on and someone just vomited next to them.

Back on the bus we went as the ferry reached land, from there I fell asleep and awoke in Phnom Penh, it was looked like the suburbs of Bangkok or Vietnam. It looked all familiar and I was in relief that our bus wasn’t hijacked by some Khmer Rouge toting AK-47’s.

Sweet.

I’m here in the city and I haven’t been sold into a lady boy slave hotel just yet.

….to be continued

John

Trip Report: Hong Kong and Macau

One of the best things about living in Vietnam is the ability to fly out of the country for a weekend and experience an entirely different culture. Living in California, I'd get excited about going to San Francisco or Las Vegas, but it's basically the same shit, different setting. Whereas, when you go to somewhere like Cambodia, you're gonna have to adapt to a entirely different language, different food, and different people.

Recently, David and I were invited to Hong Kong to see Maroon 5. We decided to wing it, less because of the concert, but because I wanted to take David on an adventure and out of his everyday rut. Instead of having to write two different trip reports, we thought it'd be better if we put our conversational thoughts into words and shared with you the two different perspectives of our recent trip. One from a person who's been to Hong Kong numerous times, and the other from a newbie.