You know you're a local when...

#30 you (male) have longer, well kept, and more immaculate finger nails than the average female.

SP

10 Essentials: Local Saigon Guy

Hi, I'm your typical local Saigon guy, and I've been invited by the 8000 Miles Later Crew to tell you the 10 things I can't live without.  I'm just your average dude, but I'm happy to inform you readers what items are essentials while living in Saigon.

You know you're a local when...

#29 you routinely get locked out your house due to the fact that you don't have the keys to your own house.

SP

Gaming and Dating a PR chick

If you're foreign to the Vietnamese clubbing scene, the first thing you're gonna notice is the lack of a dance floor.  Everybody sticks by their own tables, dancing only with their group, even if their group is a bunch of heterosexual guys.  Once in a while, you might make acquaintances with the table beside your's, kind of like when you're forced to make polite conversation with the passenger sitting next to you on a flight.

Who Woulda Thought

It's been a while since we've had a guest blogger on here so we wanted to come back with something special. We have a buddy out here who's experience in Vietnam, although not exceptionally long in duration, has been expedited by the fact that he's assimilated so well to the local Vietnamese culture. There's never an occasion that doesn't call for flip-flops and shorts with him, and you can usually find him at the local "nhau" watering hole with a cigarette hanging from his mouth in an ever-so-macho way, barking commands at the workers, and ordering up a storm all in the name of a good time. It also turns out that he can put his thoughts into words very eloquently and that's why we've asked him to write for us so that you, the reader, can get a better insight into life in Saigon as a truly assimilated Viet Kieu. Without further adieu, here's what he had to say...

Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Brotherhood

Despite all the people that come through this town, you can generally identify the cliques that start to form. Over time, people begin to be remembered by the group they keep company with. Sure there’s a crossing of paths, an exchange of greetings, or even the merging of certain clusters but more times than not, you sort of find yourself sticking with the same group of people you mesh well with. And here we are, this band of thieves who enjoy the finer things in life together, rubbing people the right and wrong way.

You know you're a local when...

#28 you do your thing on the public toilet and use the time to talk business or carry conversations to catch up with friends.  Since most restrooms don't play techno or house music this void is easily filled with your mobile phone, for your own personal appreciation of techno and house as well as others using the toilet and restroom.

SP

10 Essentials : John Ho

Every famous band/group has a "best of" or "essentials" album,  a collection of songs that complete the image and feeling of the band/group.  My personal favorite is "Smith's Best I," and firmly believe that every track on that album belongs there.  Being in a different environment here in Vietnam , I too have developed my own essentials, a list of things that maintain my sanity. Sure most of my items can be sourced in Vietnam, but I wouldn't trust shoddy/low quality goods with my mental health.  Without these seemingly "normal" things in my life I would probably go bonkers and try to strangle the next motorist that cut me off.

You know you're a local when...

#27 a river that basically serves as an open sewer seems like an inviting place to enjoy coffee and beverages.  Plastic chairs and tables set up in the dirt next to this river merely add to the festive atmosphere.  

SP

You know you're a local when...

#26 you can nap ANYWHERE!  On the motorbike, middle of a busy restaurant, near garbage, hazardous construction zones.

SP

Honey I'm Going to Singapore.....

Whenever I hear that phrase it always raises suspicions about the true identity of my female friend. To any person not-in-the-know it sounds like a pleasant vacation, which it could be. But over the course of 20 months here in Vietnam,  I've heard numerous accounts from local verified-pros and close confidants the reasons behind "vacationing" in Singapore. Local sources and many news articles suggest that Vietnamese local women travel to Singapore to make quick money(1000USD-15000USD) because it requires no visa.

10 Essentials: Si

Inspired by GQ, we bring you 10 favorite things from each of the members in the house.  For our first installment, we ask Si what things he can't live without in Saigon.

Why I'm Here

I’ve always been asked why I decided to move here four years ago, and I’ve always been confounded to provide a simple, stock answer because at that point in my life, I really wasn’t sure myself.  Rumors rampantly flew that I moved to Saigon to live in a debauchery soaked lifestyle filled with drugs, alcohol, and cheap prostitutes, or that I was on the lam from a finger chopping bookie and a six figure gambling debt (neither are 100% true).  Truth of the matter, I was probably going through a quarter-life crisis.  A deep introspection of my American life found a lack of direction and excitement.  Basically I was in a marriage-less rut, waking up everyday and performing the same routines flushed with the same bad habits.

You know you're a local when...

#25 "tran" and "how" are your favorite types of music.

SP

You know you're a local when...

#24 you seek shelter under shade while waiting at traffic lights.

SP

You know you're a local when...

#23 you turn off your motorbike engine at the red traffic light to save gas for 20 seconds.

SP

Seize the Moment

Away for a week from the comforts and sensibilities of the big city Ho Chi Minh; the boss and I decided to take a 4-day sabbatical, a time to reflect in the country side and merely to just get away. A lot of our time was spent driving around the city and finding places to rest. Almost always we would just talk about the hyperboles of life and other intricacies that come about being a mortal.

Only in Vietnam: The Bacon Cheeseburger

Ordered a bacon cheeseburger at Bobby Brewer's today.  After 30 minutes of waiting, the meal finally arrives.

As you can see, it came sans the beef patty.  After having to convince the waitress that a burger isn't a burger without the patty, she finally gets permission from the manager to take the plate back.  After 15 mins, out comes this:

The patty looked like it was mashed together by a 3 year old toddler.  Not the most appetizing looking meal, but hey it's Vietnam.  As you can see, the patty broke apart before we could finish the burger.

You know you're a local when...

#22 you drag out your swearing.  Example being "uh duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu ma!".

SP

You know you're a local when...

#21 You know more shortcuts than your xe om driver.

SH