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The Art of the Juggle

Since the dawn of time, man’s mission on this earth has been to successfully procreate.  From cavemen clubbing their prospective mates and dragging them to their sex caves all the way to Zack Morris and his locker room fantasies, males have steadily evolved to be always prepared when a sexual opportunity arises.  You can’t blame us; Mother Nature designed us this way.  Research shows that the area of sexual pursuit in a male brain is 2.5 times larger than in the female.  We are the metaphorical Wile E. Coyote and the girls are the Roadrunners.  Therefore, we weren’t conceived to be monogamous; that would be like flipping Mother Nature off. 

This is especially true when we focus specifically on the social dynamics happening in Saigon.  Vietnam is different from most developed countries because the female population here has evolved into something entirely unique.  To survive in Vietnam’s social economical climate, Saigon females have adapted, and employed their own natural treasure, the vagina, as a means to conquer the sex mongering male population dedicated to exploit them.  It isn’t uncommon for the girls (we’re only talking about the attractive ones you want to bang) that you meet here in Saigon to have multiple boyfriends.  Not because they want to pop out children like Pringles, but simply because each boyfriend can be extracted for increased income.  And the fact is that it’s effortless to bat their eyes and show some boob to attract the vacationing male - whose main purpose of visiting Vietnam was to spray semen on everyone and anything – makes it even more enticing since this helpless lad will be spending the majority of the time in another country while waiting in line at Western Union at the beginning of the month to send her allowance. 

So if that’s the case, why the fuck would it make sense for someone like me to be monogamous with a girl like that?  Don’t get me wrong, I’m not arguing against love here.  If you find a nice sweet local girl who would never ever think of cheating on you, then by all means love her, marry her, make beautiful babies with her (preferably female, since, who knows I might still be doing what I’m doing in 18 years).  Trust me; I’ve seen with my very own eyes that love stories can happen in Vietnam.  But I’m not talking about these girls.  I don’t want anything to do with “nice/ugly” girls.  Shieeeeeeeeeeet, that’s just bad karma.  

Now that we know which girls we’re dealing with, let me repeat; why the fuck would it make sense for someone like me to be monogamous with a girl like that?  The thing is these non-nice girls want to have the proverbial cake and eat it too.  They want the financial support from the Viet-Kieus living abroad, but they also want what every girl truly desires, true romance.  So they’ll go out into the city and find someone like me who they think they can call “boyfriend”; someone they can take to the movies or parade around their friends.  Sometimes, they just want someone with a warm throbbing penis, instead of the blurry visuals they get on Skype.  So although she might be investing her feelings into me (I never told her to), why isn’t it acceptable for me to go find someone to support my own needs, which unlike hers isn’t monetary, but sexual?  Thus, I’ve used 500 words to explain why I must juggle girls despite the fact that no one is monogamous in this city.  Now comes the important part; the art of the juggle.   

American Pickers in Vietnam

Our group of guys here at 8000 Miles Later have eclectic tastes and interests, something that spans further than just girls here in Vietnam.  We like to take pride in our hobbies, and do like the finer things in life.  Ranging from art, fashion, music, and massive rack, we’re as normal as normal can get. 

My interests back in the states has been picking, digging, and searching for things that I appreciate.  Some collections that I have back home include, 70-80’s BMX bicycles, Italian road bicycles, international militaria, vintage Levi’s, French/East German made Adidas, Jordans, vintage stereo equipment, reel to reel players, Japanese automobile racing equipment, Japanese cars, vintage toys, old advertisements.  Literally anything that I find interesting I will try to add to my collection of stuff.  I’m not saying that I have the most awesome collection, but its really the things that I like and enjoy.  I learned the joys of collecting through being poor, with the limited money I had as a child I found that the older and less flashy things that I could purchase were actually more valuable than what the kid next door had.   

My first purchase of things that were collectable was an “old” racing BMX bicycle I purchased from a neighborhood friend of mine named Kyle.  Sure I could have bought a new bicycle at the local shop, but I decided to take a chance on this one piece.  My intuition paid off, I was the cool kid on the block with a real racing bicycle.  15 years down the road, I found that my bicycle frame was a rare JMC Darrell Young, I sold that frame for 15 times the price I purchased it for.  Now the vintage BMX scene has grown for all those late 30’s and 40’s crowd, these are the guys that literally wet themselves reading BMX Plus! and dreamt of the bicycle I had.  It’s very common to hear of a vintage BMX bike range from 2000-6000 US dollars.  These were bicycles that ranged 150-600 USD when bought new.  Nothing can really put a price on nostalgia.  This doesn’t mean your bent and rusty BMX bike in your yard is worth something.  On the contrary, it’s very rare to find these treasures for an affordable price.  People that specialize in this craft are called “pickers.” Being a good picker is about knowing about what a potential piece and knowing the right price to pay for it. Its’ no good if you come across a Lou Gehrig rookie card and the guy selling it wants a gazillion dollars.

You know you're a local when...

#20 you wear black or dark colored dress pants, black or dark colored shoes, and white socks.

SP

You know you're a local when...

#19 you've used the phrase "same same" before.

SP

Top 5 People Watching Cafes in Saigon

One of the true pleasures of living in Saigon is escaping from the scorching heat inside of a coffee shop and spending the hours lounging around sipping on café sua da (Vietnamese ice coffee) while watching the different clientele proceed through their day. These coffee shops are staples of Vietnamese culture, true stomping grounds for the proverbial hunter and the hunted, and that is what makes them so much fun. There are thousands of coffee shops concentrated in such a compact area that it’s hard to figure out which cafes have the best show. Therefore we’d like to present to you our Top 5 choices.

Warning.....Caution....Beware......

At the time of this writing, your girlfriend and her little sister are hanging out in my buddy’s room.  The younger sister is fast asleep and the older one is watching a movie with three of us guys. We’re teasing her that she looks like one of our fat friends that you probably know from back home.  Oh, her phone just went off. She just texted you back, saying that she's at home watching TV with her sisters while you, my friend, are getting ready for an early day at work.  You’re working hard, grinding and earning that money that you promised her at the beginning of each month, while me and my band of thieves are putting some hours of our own...boning your chick.

It’s not personal, honestly. It really isn’t; it’s just that you’re away and we’re here.  We’re the guys back home that everyone likes and maybe you’ve met us and maybe you haven’t.  The time you met us you probably thought, "Wow, you’re a really cool guy.” We’re not out to get your girl. It just happened to work out that way.  There's no malicious intent whatsoever. It's just that your girl misses the feeling of having a man beside her, inside of her, whatever. Skype calls and broken Vietnamese emails can only go so far.

It's fair game, this love and war stuff. We met them at the club just like you did because as you know very well, only girls that are attractive enough to bone go out. We have more in common than you think. We liked your chick for the same reason you liked her too. If you, a vacationing Viet Kieu, can pull a girl, so can we. It's simply because we've lived here and we see the patterns and the ongoing games that happen before our eyes.

Here's a bit of caution: It’s no use calling to check up on her.  You’re just going to ignite another fight where she will shut you, and ultimately frustrate you.  You should be lucky I’m not like my buddy who likes to thrust even harder when she is on the phone with you.  Personally, I’m not really about that, but for some buddies of mine, they relish in it.  They actually live for that very moment. The times that you'll most likely call are before work, during lunch hour, or squeezed in during the 15 minute smoke break.  When you’re calling, we know.  The number comes up on your girl’s phone as a number starting with the “+” or with “0017XXX,” the latter being your Skype number.

Don’t give up all hope for love out here in Vietnam but don’t be naïve to think she is an angel.  If you really did love her you would have brought her over by now. But because you've been lagging, she's here with us. Granted, she probably doesn't love or care for us as much as she does you. But damn, she sure fakes it pretty well.  You ever try to get a notary done in Vietnam before? It’s hard.  Now imagine trying to prevent a grown person from doing what they want.  Infinitely harder.

We’re not the only ones.  There is a sea of us, literally a whole colony, spreading like a plague and we’re after chicks, someone's girlfriend or not.

P.S.  Keep sending the money. We’re partying on your dime.

Kind Regards,

8000 Miles Later Staff.

Holiday In Cambodia Part I

I recently went to Cambodia on an excursion with a good friend of mine, a man well versed in travel boasting nearly 70 different countries and counting. A man that has gone far and wide around looking for treasures of experience. When he told me of his previous trip toCambodia, I was immediately sold. My eyes round and big with delight with hopes of a memorable trip I was promised the wild wild west of the east. And it turned out to be somewhat true….It was great to get away from the bustling and booming city of Saigon where It has left me… jaded.

The road to Cambodia was an easy bus ride. We stopped at the bordertown of Moc Bai/ Bavet to go through customs and immigration. The border town office was a small compound with somewhat run down building with no air conditioning. It looked very third world. We were on a voyage to another land, another culture, and hopefully another adventure. I was excited. I was a bit apprehensive of handing over my passport, it felt as if in that moment of time I would relinquish my sole power of persuasion, being an American in a far distant land. I put myself at ease and handed over the passport, and wandered outside to smoke for a bit and talk with a local that was selling phone card. I come back in to check the status of my passport with the immigration officer. I saw the look of the person handling my passport and I knew. I was going to be paying for something, maybe because I am American or is it because I am an American born Vietnamese. Either way I paid 140 US dollars to get through, quite the ding to my wallet, but now I start my journey…..

The road continued through a whole town devoted to gambling for Vietnamese nationals that cross the border to try their luck, and most likely lose it. With names like Las Vegas Sun Casino and Winn Casino how can you not like that effort on creativity?

We come to a giant river and cross via ferry. My friend and I both look at each other panicked, South East Asia a careless place or were we both paranoid? We promptly exited the bus as the ferry took across, afraid that some freak accident might occur and literally be dead fish in bus with no exits. We were greeted by local Cambodian folks. I was taken a back, they looked very similar to Saigon-ites but a little darker. When they opened their mouths was when I realized I was in a different land, their Vietnamese even more broken than mine offered treats and refreshments. Looking around on the ferry I saw the usual scene in country side Vietnam, dozens upon dozens of people crammed in minivans looking miserable because the air conditioning isn’t on and someone just vomited next to them.

Back on the bus we went as the ferry reached land, from there I fell asleep and awoke in Phnom Penh, it was looked like the suburbs of Bangkok or Vietnam. It looked all familiar and I was in relief that our bus wasn’t hijacked by some Khmer Rouge toting AK-47’s.

Sweet.

I’m here in the city and I haven’t been sold into a lady boy slave hotel just yet.

….to be continued

John

Our Favorite Local DJ

Tonight's MVP

Easy access to the sink = Winning

Trip Report: Hong Kong and Macau

One of the best things about living in Vietnam is the ability to fly out of the country for a weekend and experience an entirely different culture. Living in California, I'd get excited about going to San Francisco or Las Vegas, but it's basically the same shit, different setting. Whereas, when you go to somewhere like Cambodia, you're gonna have to adapt to a entirely different language, different food, and different people.

Recently, David and I were invited to Hong Kong to see Maroon 5. We decided to wing it, less because of the concert, but because I wanted to take David on an adventure and out of his everyday rut. Instead of having to write two different trip reports, we thought it'd be better if we put our conversational thoughts into words and shared with you the two different perspectives of our recent trip. One from a person who's been to Hong Kong numerous times, and the other from a newbie.

Local Beer Om Gets Raided

Last night, cops raided the restaurant My Trinh (No. 390, An Duong Vuong, Ward 4, District 5, Ho Chi Minh City) and discovered two operating karaoke rooms where scantily-cladded hostesses were "oming" with their male clients. As a result, the restaurant is being temporarily closed and all of its equipment confiscated.

Fuck. My girlfriend's definitely gonna hit me up for 3 million now that she's out of a job.

More Photos after the jump

Home is where you make it

It's cliche, I know. But in a way it's true.

Some call it culture shock while others might consider it inhospitable territory. Growing up in the US, Vietnam is a little bit of both. Either way living in a new county requires an adaptive spirit.

Upon arrival there's distinct smells and the air is thick. Traffic seems scary, even crossing the street is considered an adventure. Sitting on little plastic chairs intended for kids feels primitive and uncomfortable. Littered streets and stained walls seem like war zone. Everything is new, exciting, and unfamiliar.

Then one day you wake up and it doesn't feel like you live in a different country. Sweltering heat and humidity hardly registers, the temperature "drops" below 80F and you feel cold. Getting cut off while driving goes unnoticed. Sudden downpours are the norm. Foul smells of unprocessed raw sewage and garbage are comfortingly familiar.

This is home.

But it's only the beginning of the process and journey. Now the real work and challenges begin.

Survival and getting by is one thing, however flourishing, prosperity, and success is another.

SP

You know you're a local when...

#18 the first time you heard "Nobody but you" by Wonder Girls you knew it was the best song you've ever heard. About two years and 36 remixes later it still is.

SP

Dong for Dong

A recurring theme that I notice in some of my relationships with Vietnamese women and those of my friends is the “3 million Dong.” Let’s examine what one US dollar or 20500 dong will get you. It can get you two cups of condensed milk coffee, a delicious meat and egg sandwich, or a quick motorbike to the other side of the district.

The “3 million Dong” story is one of those stories that most guys that date locals will know all very well. It’s the classic ruse. Almost like the rabbit in the hat. Before things can get physical with your prospective love partner, she mentions one of these in passing :

My parent(s) are in the hospital and they are very ill.

I just had my purse stolen and my cell phone was inside of it.

Rent is due in a couple days and I don’t know what to do.

My computer was stolen from my room and I can’t go on Yahoo chat anymore.

My stomach hurts and I think I need an operation.

I just got in a motorbike accident and I ruined both bikes.

My Vespa or Honda SH is broken and I need to get it fixed.

I need to pay this months schooling bill.

(Their will be more added to this list)

The setup is always the same, and its in hope that you are the kind man to open up that wallet of yours and give her the amount that she absolutely needs which always happens to be exactly 3 million dong or 150 US dollars.

Two ways that you can deal with this situation, weasel your way out through great smooth talking and rebuttals like “Sure I’ll pay. Just take me to the location so I can pay it for you”, which most girls will generally never do. Or the second way is to power through that conversation by pretending not to hear anything and try to land yourself a deep sensual kiss to make her believe that true love will solve all problems. I’ve never heard the second one work, ever.

If you really like the girl give her the money and hopefully that will buy you some more time till the beginning of the next month. 150 US dollars can get you a lot of coffee, sandwiches, or motorbike taxi fare. It's all up to you, but remember nothing is ever guaranteed, especially in Vietnam.

John

But she's so nice though.......

That sweet girl that you met through a friend….well chances are that she isn’t as sweet as she seems. Nice, soft spoken, and with that country side girl look mean absolutely nothing. Not saying that she is a total level 4 Veteran but she most definitely is not that angel that she seems. No stranger to navigating around the dick whatsoever. Believe it. I’ve lived the stories; they sure do go to school or work at that great office job. What they aren’t telling you is that their juggling two dicks a week, and hungry for more. Let me make it more clear, hungry for more opportunities for either a better position at work or to get paid out a premium salary from a willing boyfriend.

So don’t think just because she works at the office or is a university student that the rules of the game don’t apply to her, these girls are resourceful and true capitalist. If you really step back and think about it they are very intelligent. They have realized their value in the hectic world of Saigon and have come to grips that they aren’t the 8,9, and 10’s that they see in the media. They have effectively removed themselves from the limelight meat market(clubs, bars, entertainment industry) and shifted towards markets where they can be successful! Sounds like some Warton MBA shit right? These girls are living it for real.

What’s a man to do in this situation? Play into them being sweet and nice, calling them out as a wolf in sheep's wool is just going to shoot you in the foot. Be kind to them and try not to think that after that movie date you two had she is getting plowed by some old fuck thats dropping more money than you. Don’t let your guard down and keep your head up for another day in battle. Recently I was caught in a situation of doubt. My good friend Hieu was the beacon of reality for me, he told me to snap out of it and realize it’s the same song but different verse. It seems like we’ve all lost hope for true love, you’re absolutely right. Now its all rock ‘n roll. I’m going all in.

John

Local Facebook Photo of the Day

You Know You're a Local When...

#17 You honk your horn as though it's a life or death situation even when there's no bikes in front of you

SH

New Music

There’s a funny thing that happens in Vietnam. Aside from your sanity, a lot of other things start to take a decline when you’ve been here for too long. You start to appreciate music you would have never listened to otherwise, you wear clothes that was previously your life’s work to make fun of, and you start to put things in your mouth that you’ve never even touched before. I admit it, it's happened to me. I used to be a pretentious, self-proclaimed music know-it-all. But since being in Vietnam, most of the music I've listened to has been top 40ish music that sounds good on my iPod when I workout.

I was recently introduced to this Toronto-native crooner who uses the handle, The Weeknd, by hipster-in-training, Isabelle Du. Turns out I've come to the party a bit late as a lot of my friends have already been listening and hooked onto it. He's heavily supported by Drake, which is a pretty good backer to lay claim to. I haven't been excited for music like this in a while so I thought I'd catch you, the reader, up on it so you won't be left behind like I have been. Visit The Weeknd to download his mixtape, "House of Balloons", for free. My personal favorite tracks are "Coming Down" and "Wicked Games." When you're done with that check out these unreleased tracks I've found by The Weeknd:

The Weeknd - Unreleased by Hypetrak


The Weeknd – Birthday Suit (Drake Demo) by Hypetrak

Cheers,

DL

The Real Men of Vietnam

Just in case you were wondering if you had what it takes to become a male model in Saigon, here are some of the finalist from Mr. Vietnam 2010 after the jump. DO NOT MISS OUT ON THE HOTNESS!

Grow, Saigon, Grow

Saigon ain't all bad. Courtesy of our boys Andy Vu and Tony Toka, here's a time-lapsed video showing the magnificence of Saigon.

GROW SAIGON, GROW from andy Vu on Vimeo.

The Professional Girlfriend Part 2

Now that you’ve been briefed on what makes up a professional girlfriend, the logical next step would be to categorize them just in case you happen to be a Saigon virgin traveling here looking for a “good time.” Being aware of which girls you’re going for will help save you from bleeding money and losing valuable vacation time.

The Professional Girlfriend Part 1

People come far and wide to experience this grown man’s adventure land; a culture underpinned by our proto needs of survival and replication. Everything is more or less driven by sex and money. The more you have of either, the better and more readily available your options manifest. To adapt, you need to welcome a paradigm shift.

There was a time where you heard about the Việt Kiều male parading his exploits from his recent trip to Vietnam. “They [Vietnamese girls] go crazy for you. All you have to do is flash your US passport”; the shit he spewed from his mouth usually fell within this subtext. But now, shit’s different. My perspective is different. There’s a subculture here that’s the backlash to the ways of yesteryear. The game has been reinvented. Women are pretty spectacular social creatures, and now more than ever, they’re showing it. Through mistakes made, hearts being broken, and expectations left unmet, they have been able to adapt and more crucially, benefit from the rules of the game. Enter, the professional girlfriend…

Things that can only happen in Saigon...

Living in the States, especially just an hour away from Hollywood, you read a lot about celebrities whether it's from US magazine or Perez Hilton.  You also realize the chances you'll ever get a chance to meet someone famous is pretty miniscule.  I've been stalking Jessica Alba since high school, yet I've still never caught a glimpse of her in real life.  So the idea of actually being in a movie/television show, being a singer, or even being a magazines never crossed my mind.

But the funny thing about Vietnam, being famous is as easy as finding a 50-year old prostitute (not as hard as you think).  You wanna be a model?  Piece of fucking cake.  How about an actress?  Well, that's the logical  next step isn't it?  A singer?  All you need is an autotune machine and a terrible pop beat.  You ain't nobody til you got at least two slashes to your profession.

The easiest way to being recognized nowadays in Vietnam is to become a hotboy/hotgirl.  Kinda like Paris Hilton this type of fame requires no real talent unless you consider uploading a lot of photos onto Facebook a challenge.  That's right, Vietnam has created a whole new access to fame using Facebook.  Just add 5000 random friends, and people here are gonna start believing you might actually be someone important.

What does this have to do with me?  I've already been an extra on a television show (probably not too hard to do back in the states either).  But just last week I was just flabbergasted when a magazine actually approached me to do a photoshoot for them.  WTF.  Obviously, I did it in a heartbeat.  Reason #1: for the experience of course.  Reason #2: So I could add the 1st slash.  Now all I need is T-Pain's Autotune iPhone app and a drum machine and I've hit true Vietnamese stardom.

That's me with the makeup caked on and drawn in eyebrows.  Yup, they cast me as my cousin's date.  Only in Saigon...

SH

Home is Where the Heart is

Winston says "Stay"

I guess you can call me the veteran of this ragtime band of outsiders.  Been here four years and counting now.  Seen buildings built, torn down, rebuilt, and demolished again.  Seen people come just to leave again like a migratory flock of exotic birds.  I'm Tom Berenger in Major League, Bruce Atman in Rookie of the Year, or Tony Danza in Angels in the Outfield.  Living in Saigon, you witness so many oddities, it eventually just becomes the norm.  Borrowing a quote from a good friend, "I'd look surprised, if I'm actually surprised."

What I'm trying to say is Vietnam is my "home" now, and its been this way for a while.  When I go back to visit friends and family in the state, I don't consider it going home anymore, I'm traveling.  I actually feel homesick when I stay away from Saigon too long.  How did I get to this point?  And when did I finally come to the realization that I'm a true Saigonese?  I'd like to say I can remember the precise moment it happened, kind of like when people can tell you the exact thing they were doing when they heard about the JFK assassination or the 9/11 tragedies, but honestly, it was a gradual transition like a rolling snowball turning into a monstrous avalanche.  It never really dawned on me until I woke up one day with a dog, a couple of girlfriends, and enough useless stuff to fill a football field.  Moving back to California is a daunting thought just because of the logistics of getting rid of all the things I've collected within the last four years, whether it's the bundle of unworn clothing, the discarded Saigon Dodgeball MVP trophy, or the plethora of ex-girlfriends turned friends.  Four years ago I came to Vietnam with a luggage of clothes and ended up staying.  Four years later, I'm shackled to Vietnam by the chains of domestication.  All I'm missing is a loving wife, two kids, and a stable job.  And when that happens, I guess you can call me a "lifer."

By SH

So gay yet so badass

Who doesn't need a pair of leopard print studded Louboutins to standout amongst the sea of Doc Martin sandals?  Dude.  Its leopard.  And its got gold studs.  How do you say awesome in Vietnamese again?  Oh yea.  Qua Bomb!

SH

In a karma coma...

Acclimating oneself to a new culture with an open mind means many things to many people. Sometimes, there are those who hang on to the habits of the old, adhering to certain routines they’ve fine-tuned for most their lives. Other times, there are people who are energized at the prospect of the unknown and eager to experience things with the proverbial grain of salt. After a while, the different trends begin to develop and reveal themselves. You see the different people come in with their motives (whatever they may be), and after a while, you're able to categorize them. But fuck, weird shit happens in between. You stand back, take a breath, and take stock at where you’re at; probably a slight bit more jaded than when you came, all the while your street savvy has become surprisingly veteran-like.

As the youngest of this “band of outsiders,” I’m also a babe-in-arms when it comes to the underbelly subculture of dating, socializing, etc. in this town of Saigon (…which is what anyone cares about, really. OK, maybe the food). You see, I’ve been here and back for the past three years but this last permanent move saw me in a relationship for the majority of the time, which has since recently ran its course. I haven’t been out there and taken an in-depth look at what this town has to offer when it comes to the pleasures of the physical. But…that ostensible naïveté is only in comparison to my friends. I know the lexicon, the rituals, the routines, the dos and don’ts, the WTFs, LOLs, and BRBs of this city. There’s been a lot of legwork--and trial-and-error calculations and miscalculations--which has gone into developing the mindset we’re all in concurrently. The narrative in this blog will be the unveiling of our savoir-faire through anecdotes, theories, and our progressive learning curve, as well as acclimation struggles, that may or may not give the interweb world a peak of the ace up our sleeves.

There’s a perennial beauty and allure to this town. As you will see, the beauty lies within the ugliness as well. But hey, a morning of awkwardness is far better than a night of loneliness.


DL

You know you're a local when...

#16 driving accidents are never ever your fault regardless if you're violating right of way, one way streets, red lights, or traffic laws.  It's always the other persons fault.  Always.

SP

You know you're a local when...

#15 the concept of forming an orderly line is a bizarre proposal, therefore the idea of cutting in a line of waiting people being rude is a foreign concept.

SP

You know you're a local when...

#14 during a crowded movie, having a full on conversation with the person next to you or on your cell phone is not considered rude or disruptive.  

SP

You know you're a local when...

#13 eating a pastry or dessert with a long stirring spoon makes no sense while eating a pork chop with a spoon and fork makes perfect sense.

SP

You know you're a local when...

#12 your motorbike (Honda SH, Vespa), mobile phone (iphone), latest electronic device (ipad, MacBook Pro) are collectively worth more than the house you live in. 

SP

You know you're a local when...

#11 you and your friends have been keeping the Doc Martin company profitable the last 5 years by wearing their sandals to "anywhere any occasion"

SP

You know you're a local when...

#10 stickering your motor bike in Gucci, Louis Vuitton, Versace, or Burburry logos seems like a good idea. 

SP

You know you're a local when...

#9 you wear fake designer clothes that has never existed or been produced before.  For example: LV monogram t-shirts, LV jeans with logo spray painted on pant leg, or $3 Versace helmet.

SP

You know you're a local when...

#8 you've been replacing your Doc Martin sandals with newer or "more fashionable ones" for consecutive years.

SP

You know you're a local when...

#7 you feel the draw of obnoxious techno music blaring into the street from businesses draw you in to purchase: clothing, electronics, accessories, or coffee.

SP

You know you're a local when...

#6 you're driving and contemplating highly dangerous  maneuvers you figure "worst case scenario is I die or put the lives of others in danger" yet you proceed since the odds seem to be in your favor.

SP

You know you're a local when...

#5 you haven't worn enclosed shoes in weeks.  This includes attending events such as weddings or going clubbing.

SP

Reality

Let’s say it’s more like living in a different world.   Survival out here has required me to forget everything that I know in the western world, and literally start all over.  The usual hang ups of moving anywhere has its challenges; shelter, food, and water. Those three key ingredients to survival actually deserve separate articles for themselves.

More of my focus today is talking about all the things I miss about back home, that maybe some of you don’t realize and take for granted.

Burgers : Hamburgers out here in Vietnam are mediocre at best compared to the wide selection back home. In ‘N out, Father’s Office, my sanctum my temple, are nowhere to be found in Vietnam.

Clothing :  Vietnam is a third world country, which means third world fashion.  Trying to buy clothes that are “current” for standards for back home is difficult, so I have resorted to getting clothes made to my liking.

Family and Friends :  Probably the thing I miss the most. Good times and good beer with the people I love back home is what I think about all the time. Nothing is like getting involved with the fuckery of the guys back home or hanging out with the family on Sunday.  How about times of just lounging on the couch and bullshitting on what really is the best Clash album? Yeah rarely happens out here in Vietnam, especially with locals that are literally glued to terrible music.

Car:  Not really a concern out here for westerners that move to Vietnam, but for me I still have a completed project that is sitting in an undisclosed garage. 




John 

You know you're a local when...

#4 you see red lights and one way streets as open to interpretation.

SP

You know you're a local when...

#3 you go to the gym to work out in jeans and a dress shirt while barefooted.

SP

You know you're a local when...

#2 riding your motorbike you come within inches of dying on a daily basis and you don't even flinch or have a rise in blood pressure.

SP

You know you're a local when...

#1 you can sleep over night without the air conditioning on.

SP