Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Brotherhood

Despite all the people that come through this town, you can generally identify the cliques that start to form. Over time, people begin to be remembered by the group they keep company with. Sure there’s a crossing of paths, an exchange of greetings, or even the merging of certain clusters but more times than not, you sort of find yourself sticking with the same group of people you mesh well with. And here we are, this band of thieves who enjoy the finer things in life together, rubbing people the right and wrong way.

You know you're a local when...

#28 you do your thing on the public toilet and use the time to talk business or carry conversations to catch up with friends.  Since most restrooms don't play techno or house music this void is easily filled with your mobile phone, for your own personal appreciation of techno and house as well as others using the toilet and restroom.

SP

10 Essentials : John Ho

Every famous band/group has a "best of" or "essentials" album,  a collection of songs that complete the image and feeling of the band/group.  My personal favorite is "Smith's Best I," and firmly believe that every track on that album belongs there.  Being in a different environment here in Vietnam , I too have developed my own essentials, a list of things that maintain my sanity. Sure most of my items can be sourced in Vietnam, but I wouldn't trust shoddy/low quality goods with my mental health.  Without these seemingly "normal" things in my life I would probably go bonkers and try to strangle the next motorist that cut me off.

You know you're a local when...

#27 a river that basically serves as an open sewer seems like an inviting place to enjoy coffee and beverages.  Plastic chairs and tables set up in the dirt next to this river merely add to the festive atmosphere.  

SP

You know you're a local when...

#26 you can nap ANYWHERE!  On the motorbike, middle of a busy restaurant, near garbage, hazardous construction zones.

SP

Honey I'm Going to Singapore.....

Whenever I hear that phrase it always raises suspicions about the true identity of my female friend. To any person not-in-the-know it sounds like a pleasant vacation, which it could be. But over the course of 20 months here in Vietnam,  I've heard numerous accounts from local verified-pros and close confidants the reasons behind "vacationing" in Singapore. Local sources and many news articles suggest that Vietnamese local women travel to Singapore to make quick money(1000USD-15000USD) because it requires no visa.

10 Essentials: Si

Inspired by GQ, we bring you 10 favorite things from each of the members in the house.  For our first installment, we ask Si what things he can't live without in Saigon.

American Pickers : Colnago Master in Can Tho, Vietnam?

All over this city there are many steel frame bikes that tow make shift carts for human transportation and product.

Why I'm Here

I’ve always been asked why I decided to move here four years ago, and I’ve always been confounded to provide a simple, stock answer because at that point in my life, I really wasn’t sure myself.  Rumors rampantly flew that I moved to Saigon to live in a debauchery soaked lifestyle filled with drugs, alcohol, and cheap prostitutes, or that I was on the lam from a finger chopping bookie and a six figure gambling debt (neither are 100% true).  Truth of the matter, I was probably going through a quarter-life crisis.  A deep introspection of my American life found a lack of direction and excitement.  Basically I was in a marriage-less rut, waking up everyday and performing the same routines flushed with the same bad habits.

Holiday in Cambodia Part 2

Partner and I arrive at the bus station and are immediately swarmed by Tuk-Tuk drivers barraging us with their offers to drive us around and be our guide for whatever vices we desired.   In the distance a guy with a real genuine smile comes and greets partner with his real name.   He was the Tuk-Tuk driver that  partner had been in contact with the previous week. I felt elated, that there was someone there that we could somewhat trust, I felt at ease and we decided to go to our hotel.   Driving around in a Tuk-Tuk was similar to my experience in Thailand.  It was nice to sit back and survey the new land two American guys would hopefully conquer.  I was quite surprised to see that Cambodia was very similar to Saigon, not the big glitzy streets of Dong Khoi or Nguyen Hue, but maybe the streets of Can Tho or Binh Thanh Disrict.

Can Tho and Chau Doc, Vietnam

Can Tho, Vietnam

Sweet Coffee shop with awesome motorized bicycles.

You know you're a local when...

#25 "tran" and "how" are your favorite types of music.

SP

Let's get ready to rumbleeeee!!!

My mom has always told me, “When you put the word ‘too’ in front of something, it generally becomes bad.” Words to live by, really. But like the brazen anarchist I am, I found a loophole, a counterargument to my mom’s adage. If you change the homonym and put “two” in front of something, it suddenly becomes that much better. What I’m talking about is that one girl is very gratifying and often enough but as soon as you add two into the equation, all of a sudden you’ve reached a momentary lapse in the universe and you get to experience Utopia for that moment in time.  It’s the ménage a trois, the three-way dance, or the MFF. Simply defined, it’s “Every man’s dream.” This rite of passage is known as, “The Championship Belt.” And yes, it’s as marvelous as it sounds.

Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Our Loss Your Gain

A recurring story that is always talked about is a fable that we tell any new Viet-Kieu’s when they land on the green pastures of Saigon. Actually, it’s more like a cautionary tale of how things can get out of control if you’re not on top of your game.

Ask El Capitan

Welcome to my weekly post where I answer any of your questions.  Feel free to email me at 8000mileslater@gmail.com anything you want to know about living in Saigon, getting girls, or just being an asshole.

John and David Singing

Storytime with El Capitan

Saigon girls are crazy.  Yeah, I know.  That’s a very general blanket statement if there ever was one but whatever, so is “black guys have large cocks” and “Asian guys have small cocks” (both of which from my experience seems to be 100% accurate).  So when I say “Saigon girls are crazy”, you have to believe me.  You read it here online and everything you read on the Internet is true, kids [evil grin].  The proof is in the pudding:

You know you're a local when...

#24 you seek shelter under shade while waiting at traffic lights.

SP

You know you're a local when...

#23 you turn off your motorbike engine at the red traffic light to save gas for 20 seconds.

SP

Diplo at Lush

It's very rare that we get to witness good musical acts here in Vietnam, unless, of course, you've still got the Backstreet Boys on blast on your walkmen. Diplo, made his second appearance in Saigon at Lush Wednesday night, and we were there to party the night away.  This time we remembered our camera.

Seize the Moment

Away for a week from the comforts and sensibilities of the big city Ho Chi Minh; the boss and I decided to take a 4-day sabbatical, a time to reflect in the country side and merely to just get away. A lot of our time was spent driving around the city and finding places to rest. Almost always we would just talk about the hyperboles of life and other intricacies that come about being a mortal.

M.V.P goes H.A.M.

Only in Vietnam: The Bacon Cheeseburger

Ordered a bacon cheeseburger at Bobby Brewer's today.  After 30 minutes of waiting, the meal finally arrives.

As you can see, it came sans the beef patty.  After having to convince the waitress that a burger isn't a burger without the patty, she finally gets permission from the manager to take the plate back.  After 15 mins, out comes this:

The patty looked like it was mashed together by a 3 year old toddler.  Not the most appetizing looking meal, but hey it's Vietnam.  As you can see, the patty broke apart before we could finish the burger.

Guest Blogger: Richard Lam

With Saigon being such a transient town, we're blessed with the opportunity to come across all kinds of people from all walks of life. There's a bond that develops here; a kinship that becomes evident from being non-local Vietnamese residents that really bring a lot of people together very quickly. Also, there's a lot of time allotted for coffee get-togethers where friendships burgeon.

Even though people come in and out all the time, we really do appreciate all the stories we're able to add to our lives and very hopeful that the friendships we've made here are long-lasting. The guys here at 8000 Miles Later are overall very eclectic and fun to be around and although we're open to meet and hang out with just about everyone, it's not always the case that we "add" people to our group. However, sometimes, there are special people that have come and gone but still remain our friends and we wanted to lend our blog as an outlet for those people to talk about their experiences with us. First up is Richard Lam...

Lessons from El Capitan

I’ve been accused of a lot of things in my time but pleasant is rarely at the top of the list. I admit it; I’m rough around the edges. That came from being constantly shitted on when I used to be a nice guy back at home. I came to Vietnam in refuge of heartbreak (yes, I have one) and probably in search for the opportunity of another. Vietnam had its reputation for what a Viet Kieu guy like me could expect and I wanted to suck from that teat. I haven’t been blessed with the best looks, nor do I have a lot of money, humor, athleticism, or intelligence. One thing I have cunningly used to my advantage, though, has been my quick-witted mouth and persistence to juggernaut through women’s bullshit.

Even though most won’t admit it, girls just love jerks.  They love to be mistreated, misinformed, and mishandled.  I’m just providing them with that service.  I’m not trying to wife them.  There are a lot of fucked up girls here who get off when I treat them like shit.  I was the nice guy once and all it got me was a heavy ass ball-and-chain. Vietnam has been a stomping ground for me to start anew. Sure, there’s other things I could do with my time like get a job, find the meaning of life, or culture myself with film and books, but gaming chicks is a full-time gig. I have the phone bills to prove it. This was what I was put on this earth to do and my shortcomings haven’t held me back in the least. Fuck, I don’t even watch movies to watch movies anymore. My eyes are honing in on an inkling of a titty or the prospect of some bush, or my hands are on both those things because I’m trying to feel up on the girl that I’m on a movie date with. I’ve only been here for a year and some change, but I’ve already got some good stories to tell.  Here are two to get you started:

She Wins

You know you're a local when...

#22 you drag out your swearing.  Example being "uh duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu ma!".

SP

You know you're a local when...

#21 You know more shortcuts than your xe om driver.

SH

Making it Rain

December 31^st, 2008 - I was preparing to meet up with my friend and his girlfriend up at a club called 69 (which has since been renamed to MZ Bar). It was my first time in Vietnam and my first time going to a club in Vietnam. I didn’t realize that tonight, my cherry would be popped like a horny sixth grader at band camp.

I was ushered into the club by jovial security guards who looked like they’d answer to my every whim. The music was deafening, the crowd was raucous; my kind of people, I thought. So, I got to our table and saw the bottle of Remy Martin staring me dead in the eye. Our waiter began pouring out the shots and I remember looking at the small half-shot sized glasses and scoffing. This story will now have to be all hearsay because somewhere during the night, I blacked out and “MVP” took over.

We translate your local girlfriend’s bullshit

My phone doesn’t work – Buy me an iPhone 4

I can’t call you – Buy me more phone minutes

My motorbike broke down – Buy me an SH

My dad is sick in the hospital – I need 3 million dong to shop

I got my purse snatched – I need a new purse, a new phone, and spending cash

I can’t go home – Can I come over and fuck

I think my house is haunted – I want to sleep in your bed

Party of the Month: John/Si's Birthday at Catwalk

We always ask our readers what they want see more of on this site, and the most common answer is: more photos. Although we'd like to accommodate to you all and post uncensored sleaze and filth that occurs in this house, the fact of the matter is that there's way too much nudity, toilet sex incriminating stuff to post. But we're going to make a conscious effort to take as many photos as we can (it's just a hassle to lug a DSLR everywhere), especially when we go out at night.

Last month, John and Si--whose birthdays are a day apart--decided to throw a joint party at Catwalk inside the New World Hotel. Saigon isn't a great place to throw a party since the only venues you can use are a restaurant, a karaoke bar, or a club. Honestly, we would have rather had it at our home but it's just not feasible to host a house party because of certain logistics. Originally planned to be at Velvet, we then decided to just go all out and rented out the room at Catwalk. With 50 of our closest friends here in Saigon, we were able to have a raucous night. Here are the pictures to prove it. Thank you to everyone for showing up.

Real Girls of Saigon

We here at 8000 Miles Later would like to take a second to appreciate Saigon's more precious resource. Those non-pro girls that make our day slightly more enjoyable. Here's the super sweet manager, Net, from NYDC flashing us her captivating smile.

8000 Miles Later

It's all in the hips

Here's John doing his thing at his favorite place, Club Liquid.

How Will I know...

I love this song. Ever since I was a kid, I just loved this song. Something about Whitney Houston being beautiful and being a great singer made this five year old Vietnamese boy in Oxnard California happy at the time. So, if you’re in Saigon, how will you know if she really digs you?

Going out in Vietnam can sometimes be a dangerous proposition. You could be having the time of your life then the next thing you know, a dirty skank hooker off a motorbike gives your balls the death grip and grabs your wallet along with your iPhone 4 (true story that happened to one of my new friends from Switzerland). You just never know. The absolute intensity here in Vietnam is incredible and, in mathematical terms, absolute value can mean really good or really bad. Yup, that’s life.

Having great times at regular bars can be a great experience. You can meet really fun and great people, and sometimes can make magic happen. It’s incredible. My buddy is fantastic at the bar scene in Vietnam. He’s a humble and modest guy and will never admit to being a woman-slayer but he has the best game at normal bars around Saigon like Martini bar, Q bar, Lush, and sometimes at Apocalypse. The bar scene is a great place to pick up fresh "poultry" and "beef." But just like Whitney Houston, how will you know? How do you know that she really loves you, and that she's just not some skank whore trying to nab at some cash at the end of the night? These are the level-one pros, transaction-only for sweet love making.