Ask El Capitan

Welcome to my weekly post where I answer any of your questions.  Feel free to email me at 8000mileslater@gmail.com anything you want to know about living in Saigon, getting girls, or just being an asshole.

Oh El Capitan, I met this girl at Oscar the other night.  We met up for coffee and she brought out a couple of her friends but they were pretty ugly.  She expected me to pay for everything, but I only paid for my share and now she's not returning my calls. What should I do?
Ryan


Hey Ryan, you fucked up.  It's normal for girls to bring out their friends for free coffee.  Of course they were ugly, bitches never bring out any friends that are cuter than them.  This ain't America.  You can't expect these girls to go dutch with you.  If she's not responding, then fuck her.  Go to Oscar and find someone else and remember to pay next time.


Dear El Capitan, I can't seem to get a break.  I take out locals girls, but I can never close the deal.  what am I doing wrong?
Sleepless in Saigon


I've never seen you in action so I don't know what you're doing wrong, but you're obviously not doing something right.  If you think you're being too nice, start being a jerk.  If you think you're being too mean, you're not, be fucking worse.  You don't have to change who you are, you just have to be someone else.


Dear El Capitan, I've heard of your legendary sexual exploits and I was just wondering, is it safe to fuck girls here without a condom?
Mr. Awesome


Good question, Awesome.  The only time I fuck girls without a condom is when I use their face.

El Capitan