I’ve been accused of a lot of things in my time but pleasant is rarely at the top of the list. I admit it; I’m rough around the edges. That came from being constantly shitted on when I used to be a nice guy back at home. I came to Vietnam in refuge of heartbreak (yes, I have one) and probably in search for the opportunity of another. Vietnam had its reputation for what a Viet Kieu guy like me could expect and I wanted to suck from that teat. I haven’t been blessed with the best looks, nor do I have a lot of money, humor, athleticism, or intelligence. One thing I have cunningly used to my advantage, though, has been my quick-witted mouth and persistence to juggernaut through women’s bullshit.
Even though most won’t admit it, girls just love jerks. They love to be mistreated, misinformed, and mishandled. I’m just providing them with that service. I’m not trying to wife them. There are a lot of fucked up girls here who get off when I treat them like shit. I was the nice guy once and all it got me was a heavy ass ball-and-chain. Vietnam has been a stomping ground for me to start anew. Sure, there’s other things I could do with my time like get a job, find the meaning of life, or culture myself with film and books, but gaming chicks is a full-time gig. I have the phone bills to prove it. This was what I was put on this earth to do and my shortcomings haven’t held me back in the least. Fuck, I don’t even watch movies to watch movies anymore. My eyes are honing in on an inkling of a titty or the prospect of some bush, or my hands are on both those things because I’m trying to feel up on the girl that I’m on a movie date with. I’ve only been here for a year and some change, but I’ve already got some good stories to tell. Here are two to get you started:
The Ugly Chick
We called this girl “Ugly Chick” for one sole reason: she was fucking ugly, even though she had money to doll herself up (and a lot of money at that). But I was in a drought, and my friends were being supportive and kept egging me on to fuck her because she deserved to be punished for looking that way. Their words, not mine. Don’t get me wrong; from the neck down she’s serviceable. Her face was just butter. Anyways, fast-forward to about three months after and here I am, fucking this girl. I really haven’t done any maintenance on her, just the occasional text message. I wasn’t planning on getting it in anymore after that first night but it’s always important to have a stable of emergency booty calls. One night I was just chilling in my room when I get a text from Ugly Chick telling me she’s locked out of her house and wants to come over. I tell her to bring food and cigarettes, which she eagerly does (at least she listens to instructions well). After eating and smoking, we eventually get down to the inevitable boning session. Now, I absolutely fucking hate cuddling. I just want bitches to shut up and let me sleep after sex, but this chick obviously wanted to get a few things off her chest (pun intended).
She proceeds to tell me “You have no job. You’re broke. You can’t even take care of yourself, let alone me. And you don’t know the first thing about treating women right. You are not the type of guy that Vietnamese women want as their husband or boyfriend.” The tears rolled down her eyes and she continued, “But I can’t help loving you.”
I’m thinking, “Bitch please, you think this is the first time I heard this shit?”
She then asks, “So, does this mean we’re together again?”
Fuck no. We were never together in the first place. I told her this means nothing. And in the morning I kicked her out and never saw her again.
Don’t Go to the Bathroom
It was a typical night for my friends and I. We went clubbing and then ended up at Hung Xiu, the best afterhours eating spot in the city. I was with my main girl who I was with for a fucking long time (three months). I really liked her. She had a good personality and she could always make me laugh. It wasn’t her fault she didn’t have any tits. Anyways, we’re eating at Hung Xiu with a group of eight people when I get a call from “Shadownian”, a new and much hotter girl I’ve been recently hooking up with. She wanted me to pick her up from her work and take her home. Obviously you can guess what I would do in a situation like that. I went with the way hotter option, which meant I had to leave my main girl behind. So I waited until she had to go to the bathroom and with ninja-like wiliness, I hopped into a taxi for the promise of greener pastures. If she called to bitch at me, I had an excuse; I would have told her I was tired and she shouldn’t have left me alone.
So, she goes to the bathroom and I go take Shadownian back to my place. I was expecting the other girl to call, but she never did. Who said you can’t have your cake? But I eventually found out that when I left, everyone else in the group left as well. They thought my girl was with me, and when she came out she found the whole table empty and she was alone. Nobody noticed the purse she left lying on her seat, which was quickly stolen by someone. She ended up losing her purse and her phone and never had the opportunity to call me. You’d think something like this would get a girl to disown me, but I was fucking her a few days later like nothing happened.
So there you go. Two perfect examples of how some girls just want to be treated like dirt.
"El Capitan"
Fucking loser!!
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