Beauty From a Distance

Us guys here at 8000 Miles Later pride ourselves in our keen sense of assessing and quantifying physical beauty here in Vietnam. Deadly snipers with 20/20 vision for T&A, we are unrelenting to get that quick glimpse either on the streets of Saigon riding around on our motorbike or a quiet Sunday drinking coffee.  The truth of the matter is that both men and women admire a beautiful women with supple rack and a tight bottom.  My good friend The Mouse, has his old adage "I don't have any vices, I just love beautiful women, and last I heard EVERYONE loves a beautiful women."

But every so often us guys here are wrong with our assessment.  It could range from the 20/20/10 rule which is from 20 feet away at 20 MPH she looks like a ten. Or due to the fact of the poor lighting at clubs/bars in Vietnam. It's happened to us all before, and it feels awful.  Here are the tools of the trade that have indeed confused us even more at 8000 Miles Later. 

Nicknames (updated)

Vietnam has never been considered a creative country. It’s a copycat world here; streets lined with shops selling the same items, their names named after their business address like Pho 54 or nha hang 131. So when parents look to name their child, they don’t deviate too much from the norm. There’s no Sparrows, Shilohs, Kal-El, or Bronx Mowgli running around the streets of Saigon. Instead, there’s a pretty good chance the next girl you meet is going to be named Vi, Thuy, or Phuong. Hell, my uncle loved the name Phuong so much both his daughters were given that name.

So imagine a household of 5 guys pulling in girls and trying to exchange war stories. This would be a common exchange:

“I finally boned Vi last night.”

“Oh yeah? The fat one?”

“No, the one with the missing tooth.”

“Ohhhhhhh, that Vi.”

Instead of having to describe exactly which girl we’re talking about each time, usually, the girls are given nicknames so they can be identified easier. Since the nicknames are typically given during our initial meeting, the aliases are always used and we tend to forget their real names.

Keep in mind these pseudonyms aren’t well planned, but instead it’s whatever popped into our mind when we first met them. It could be as simple as what shirt they were wearing at the time, the place we first met them, or the job they held. Yes, some may sound harsh, but hey, it’s probably the best term to describe them at the moment. So with no further ado, here is a partial list of nicknames that we have”

You know you're a local when...

#30 you (male) have longer, well kept, and more immaculate finger nails than the average female.

SP

The Mother Fucking Truth

The guys here at 8000 Miles Later may like Asian girls but we sure as hell do not discriminate.

10 Essentials: Local Saigon Guy

Hi, I'm your typical local Saigon guy, and I've been invited by the 8000 Miles Later Crew to tell you the 10 things I can't live without.  I'm just your average dude, but I'm happy to inform you readers what items are essentials while living in Saigon.

A Tale of Jack and Wayne : Sweet Victory

Saigon is a very special place in that we get visitors from everywhere in the world stopping by at least once a year.  At our current rate for the house of 8000 Miles Later we average about two new guests coming into town every month.  Some come back for work and most of the time many guys come back to party their health away.  Regardless most of these guys are good buddies of ours, and most of the times they seek our advice at 8000 Miles later to streamline their game.

You know you're a local when...

#29 you routinely get locked out your house due to the fact that you don't have the keys to your own house.

SP

Gaming and Dating a PR chick

If you're foreign to the Vietnamese clubbing scene, the first thing you're gonna notice is the lack of a dance floor.  Everybody sticks by their own tables, dancing only with their group, even if their group is a bunch of heterosexual guys.  Once in a while, you might make acquaintances with the table beside your's, kind of like when you're forced to make polite conversation with the passenger sitting next to you on a flight.

Dear El Capitan

It's another installment of "Dear El Capitan" where you readers email us with questions that only El Capitan can answer.  Remember to email us with any questions you may have for El Capitan

We Tranlate Our Own BS

My phone battery died – I turned my phone into airplane mode

I fell asleep early last night – I was out with a chick

I have to go on a business trip – I gotta meet my out of town bitch

I’ll buy your gift next week – You’re not getting a present

Who Woulda Thought

It's been a while since we've had a guest blogger on here so we wanted to come back with something special. We have a buddy out here who's experience in Vietnam, although not exceptionally long in duration, has been expedited by the fact that he's assimilated so well to the local Vietnamese culture. There's never an occasion that doesn't call for flip-flops and shorts with him, and you can usually find him at the local "nhau" watering hole with a cigarette hanging from his mouth in an ever-so-macho way, barking commands at the workers, and ordering up a storm all in the name of a good time. It also turns out that he can put his thoughts into words very eloquently and that's why we've asked him to write for us so that you, the reader, can get a better insight into life in Saigon as a truly assimilated Viet Kieu. Without further adieu, here's what he had to say...

Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Brotherhood

Despite all the people that come through this town, you can generally identify the cliques that start to form. Over time, people begin to be remembered by the group they keep company with. Sure there’s a crossing of paths, an exchange of greetings, or even the merging of certain clusters but more times than not, you sort of find yourself sticking with the same group of people you mesh well with. And here we are, this band of thieves who enjoy the finer things in life together, rubbing people the right and wrong way.

You know you're a local when...

#28 you do your thing on the public toilet and use the time to talk business or carry conversations to catch up with friends.  Since most restrooms don't play techno or house music this void is easily filled with your mobile phone, for your own personal appreciation of techno and house as well as others using the toilet and restroom.

SP

10 Essentials : John Ho

Every famous band/group has a "best of" or "essentials" album,  a collection of songs that complete the image and feeling of the band/group.  My personal favorite is "Smith's Best I," and firmly believe that every track on that album belongs there.  Being in a different environment here in Vietnam , I too have developed my own essentials, a list of things that maintain my sanity. Sure most of my items can be sourced in Vietnam, but I wouldn't trust shoddy/low quality goods with my mental health.  Without these seemingly "normal" things in my life I would probably go bonkers and try to strangle the next motorist that cut me off.

You know you're a local when...

#27 a river that basically serves as an open sewer seems like an inviting place to enjoy coffee and beverages.  Plastic chairs and tables set up in the dirt next to this river merely add to the festive atmosphere.  

SP

You know you're a local when...

#26 you can nap ANYWHERE!  On the motorbike, middle of a busy restaurant, near garbage, hazardous construction zones.

SP

Honey I'm Going to Singapore.....

Whenever I hear that phrase it always raises suspicions about the true identity of my female friend. To any person not-in-the-know it sounds like a pleasant vacation, which it could be. But over the course of 20 months here in Vietnam,  I've heard numerous accounts from local verified-pros and close confidants the reasons behind "vacationing" in Singapore. Local sources and many news articles suggest that Vietnamese local women travel to Singapore to make quick money(1000USD-15000USD) because it requires no visa.

10 Essentials: Si

Inspired by GQ, we bring you 10 favorite things from each of the members in the house.  For our first installment, we ask Si what things he can't live without in Saigon.

American Pickers : Colnago Master in Can Tho, Vietnam?

All over this city there are many steel frame bikes that tow make shift carts for human transportation and product.

Why I'm Here

I’ve always been asked why I decided to move here four years ago, and I’ve always been confounded to provide a simple, stock answer because at that point in my life, I really wasn’t sure myself.  Rumors rampantly flew that I moved to Saigon to live in a debauchery soaked lifestyle filled with drugs, alcohol, and cheap prostitutes, or that I was on the lam from a finger chopping bookie and a six figure gambling debt (neither are 100% true).  Truth of the matter, I was probably going through a quarter-life crisis.  A deep introspection of my American life found a lack of direction and excitement.  Basically I was in a marriage-less rut, waking up everyday and performing the same routines flushed with the same bad habits.